Software Jokes.....

[Former Member]

If computer languages were car!

• C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.

• C++ is a souped-up racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong.

• Java is a family station wagon. It's easy to drive, it's not that fast, and nobody wants to drive it.

• C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you're never allowed to use the competitors' products again.

• Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver's manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a perl car, you won't be able to drive anyone else's.

• Python is a great beginner's car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

• Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, Python and Smalltalk cars were involved in a three-way collision. A Japanese mechanic found the pieces and put together a car which many people think was better than the sum of the parts.

• Fortran is a pretty primitive car; it'll go very quickly as long as you are only going along roads that are perfectly straight. It is believed that learning to drive a Fortran car makes it impossible to learn to drive any other model.

• Cobol is reputed to be a car, but no self-respecting driver will ever admit having driven one.

• Assembly Language is a bare engine; you have to build the car yourself and manually supply it with gas while it's running, but if you're careful it can go like a bat out of hell.

Sorry, I Don't want to say about SAP

I don't know whether Moderators will allow this thread or not..

If they allow, we can have fun in SDN.

[GauthamV]

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th

Marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city

for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local

newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the

secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How

did you make this possible? "

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We

had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally,

we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was

pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed

to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly,

making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the

horse's back and said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride.

After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm

and said "This is your second time" and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took

out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You

killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"

Husband: "That's it. We are happy ever after.

Note: This is not a software joke.

Cheers

[Former Member]

Good one

While on the topic of jokes, see if you can spot the ponits gamer in ABAP General (live action...)...

Cheers,

Julius

[matt]

And while we're off the subject of software jokes:

Two druggies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.

They're both in hospital. One is in a korma and the other has a dodgy tikka.

[Former Member]

If SAP made toasters...

The manual to run the toaster would be approximately 10,000 pages long.

The toaster would come with 2,500 switches which would all have to be set in an exact pattern and in a precise sequence in order to toast specific kinds of bread.

Each pattern would be established by SAP's experts as the "Best Practices" method of toasting that kind of bread.

It would take a team of basis and functional contractors about 1 year to configure the toaster in the best manner, and then another 6 months to test it.

In the mean time, your entire family would need to attend extensive training classes on how to use the new toaster.

In order to support end users and consultants, MIT would establish a list-serv for people to post questions and answers regarding toaster set-up and operation.

Of course, the online Help would randomly pop up in German.

But once it was running, you'd get the best toast in the world.

[Former Member]

Monkey Programmers

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, ''I'll have that monkey please''.

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey.

He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying, ''That'll be $5000''.

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ''That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did he cost SO much?''

The shopkeeper answered,

''Ah, that monkey can program in 'C' very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.''

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ''That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does he do?''

''Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; he can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,'' said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of his own. The price tag around his neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, ''That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does he do?''

The shopkeeper shrugged and said,

''Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't actually seen him do anything, but he says he's a SAP consultant.''

[Former Member]

LOL the second one was amazing !!

[Former Member]

If SAP made toasters.......

You forget to say that you'd also have to buy a special plug and socket and, oh you house does run on 3-phase mains right? No, well you'll need to replace that then.

[Former Member]

Are you CERTIFIED to use that toaster ?

[Former Member]

You Might Be a Consultant if...

· you ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.

· you decide to reorganize your family into a "team-based organization."

· you think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with six other people you don't know.

· you believe you never have any problems in your life, just "issues" and "improvement opportunities."

· you explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as "highly leveraged" as opposed to "in debt."

· you can explain the difference between "down-sizing," "right-sizing," and "firing people's arses," and you actually believe your explanation.

· you can spell "paradigm" and you actually know what a paradigm is.