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When organizations start out on the path of creating a “Feedback Culture,” they are so focused on the delivery methodology that they forget the important other-half of the equation – receiving.
Give. Give. Give.
It’s no wonder. In the West especially, we are instructed by faith leaders to “Give, and you will receive.” Since we were young, we were taught by parents and teachers to share, because “sharing means caring.” In school, we were expected to give our opinions, ask questions and share ideas as part of the learning process. We are encouraged to give compliments because this will result in making friends and keeping neighbours happy. In life, this ‘Pay It Forward’ mindset spawns an entire industry of charities and crowd-funding outlets for doing-good. Finally, at work, we are expected to join training programs and learn how to give feedback to our colleagues, our managers, our suppliers and even our customers.
To receive.
By contrast, in Eastern societies, children are taught to receive. I mean receiving in the way of accepting, and want to distinguish this from ‘taking.’ The main role of children in the East is to receive the resources, opportunities and energy of their parents and elders, and to focus on studying and preparing for the future. From a very young age, they were taught to listen in class and receive the knowledge of their teachers. When it comes to work and life, the practice of receiving shows up as acceptance and common understanding of each person’s role in a team and in an organization. The Taoist tenet to “be like water” shapes the values, and therefore the mindset and behaviours of many in Eastern society.
We seem to have an easier time giving feedback, advice and opinions, yet struggle with receiving them when they are offered to us. See my post “Feedback: The Gift That’s Hard to Accept” for reasons why we struggle with this. One action is not better than the other. However, without the corresponding practice of receiving there would be no value in the feedback. By receiving and accepting someone’s gift, we also honour them and fulfill their good intentions. The combination of both giving and receiving completes the equation.
How do we become better at receiving?
Be present – Preparing our mind, our breath, and our emotions isn’t just reserved for delivering presentations or giving bad news. We must also prepare ourselves to receive, by calming our mind and focusing on the person we’re with. If you’re not in a state to receive, then you’re not going to get the maximum benefit of the gift.
Assume best intentions – Our biases and interpretations stand in the way of learning. Focus on the content and the words to remove biases of who may be delivering the message. This also means keeping your ego in check – even the most junior member of your team or the most unexpected source can offer you value.
Be curious and ask questions – Some of us need to overcome our default to only give, while others may need to strengthen our propensity to receive. Our ability to receive can be learned and reinforced by asking simple questions. For example, “Would you be OK if I asked for some more feedback in the future?”
In our life, there will be times when we see things as opposing each other – ebb and flow; push and pull; Yin and Yang; workers and management. When we choose to look at these forces as part of the same system, they are actually complimentary. In developing a Culture of Feedback, we need to be as good at receiving as we are at giving.
[Reposted from the Stone Soup Coaching blog]
