Question Re: Software Jokes..... in Additional Q&A

Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 11:54:12 GMT

If computer languages were car!

C is a racing car that goes incredibly fast but breaks down every fifty miles.

C++ is a souped-up racing car with dozens of extra features that only breaks down every 250 miles, but when it does, nobody can figure out what went wrong.

Java is a family station wagon. It's easy to drive, it's not that fast, and nobody wants to drive it.

C# is a competing model of family station wagons. Once you use this, you're never allowed to use the competitors' products again.

Perl is supposed to be a pretty cool car, but the driver's manual is incomprehensible. Also, even if you can figure out how to drive a perl car, you won't be able to drive anyone else's.

Python is a great beginner's car; you can drive it without a license. Unless you want to drive really fast or on really treacherous terrain, you may never need another car.

Ruby is a car that was formed when the Perl, Python and Smalltalk cars were involved in a three-way collision. A Japanese mechanic found the pieces and put together a car which many people think was better than the sum of the parts.

Fortran is a pretty primitive car; it'll go very quickly as long as you are only going along roads that are perfectly straight. It is believed that learning to drive a Fortran car makes it impossible to learn to drive any other model.

Cobol is reputed to be a car, but no self-respecting driver will ever admit having driven one.

Assembly Language is a bare engine; you have to build the car yourself and manually supply it with gas while it's running, but if you're careful it can go like a bat out of hell.

Sorry, I Don't want to say about SAP

I don't know whether Moderators will allow this thread or not..

If they allow, we can have fun in SDN.

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 15:01:21 GMT

I reallly, really want to know the road handling of this Abap car !

For me it's a Family station wagon, not very fast but it gets you in time where you need to go with all the luggage, the kids and the step mother ! And that is what is important for a family car...

Olivier

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 15:01:47 GMT

I don't see anything wrong with this post...We're on Coffee Corner, so have fun -:)

Greetings,

Blag.

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 16:02:25 GMT

and BW is a 16 wheeler truck

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 08:38:22 GMT

I just want to know, How ABAP car will be from your side...

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 08:54:58 GMT

A Software Engineer was Smoking.

A lady standing nearby said to him can't you see the Warning, " Smoking is Injurious to Health....! "

He replied

" We are bothered only about Errors, not Warnings !!"

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:08:24 GMT

Facts about Software Guys !!

Project Manager: is a Person who thinks Nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer: Is a Person who thinks a single woman cannot deliver a baby in nine months.

Onsite Coordinator: Is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client: Is one who knows that it takes a man, a woman & nine months to deliver a baby, But expects otherwise.

Marketing manager: Is a person who thinks I can deliver a child whether a man and woman is available or not.

Resource optimisation Ieam: Thinks I don't want man or woman, I'll still produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation team: Will think I don't care how a child is delivered, I'll just document 9 months.

QA Auditor: This is the only person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce baby.

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 09:57:46 GMT

Yes here it is Software Engineer Husband :

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dadu2019s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

Cheers,

Amit.

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 13:35:42 GMT

Abap is a light truck, which comes half prebuilt from SAP, but a bunch of mechanics (called consultants) need to assemble your very personal unique vehicle at your place. It runs only on roads especially constructed for Abap trucks. Unlike most other high price cars, which have years of cost free servicing, you pay gigantic fees for maintenance and the car repair shops always send you to "free" "independent" garages (which can be found on SDN)...

Re: Software Jokes.....

matt — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 13:37:04 GMT

The ABAP car gets you to where you need to go, with minimal fuss, and doesn't need to be changed when your family size doubles, trebles... It does 0-100 km/h in 20 seconds. And 100-200 km/h in 20 seconds. And 200-300 km/h in 20 seconds. And 300-400 km/h in 20 seconds...

The ABAP Objects car is the same as the ABAP car, but you don't need to know the mechanics of the internal combustion engine.

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 03:19:08 GMT

Beware!!

Speeds of 300-400 kmph could lead to run-time errors...

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 20:47:17 GMT

Old Fortran joke:

God is real, Jesus is integer

But back to the topic...

If ABAP was a car, some people would say it looks like the COBOL car with extra full stops, so I suppose that would be extra brakes... ("full stops" are "periods" for those who didn't learn British based English...)

Re: Software Jokes.....

former_member249594 — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 10:46:58 GMT

In my opinion, ABAP/4 and ABAP Object are trains....

Just for Funny ^_

Re: Software Jokes.....

GauthamV — Tue, 26 May 2009 08:45:57 GMT

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th

Marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city

for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local

newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the

secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: " Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How

did you make this possible? "

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: " We

had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage.

Having selected the horse riding finally,

we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was

pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed

to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly,

making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the

horse's back and said "This is your first time".

She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride.

After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm

and said "This is your second time" and continued.

When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took

out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You

killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"

Husband: "That's it. We are happy ever after.

Note: This is not a software joke.

Cheers

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Tue, 26 May 2009 13:25:26 GMT

Good one

While on the topic of jokes, see if you can spot the ponits gamer in ABAP General (live action...)...

Cheers,

Julius

Re: Software Jokes.....

matt — Wed, 27 May 2009 14:20:23 GMT

And while we're off the subject of software jokes:

Two druggies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.

They're both in hospital. One is in a korma and the other has a dodgy tikka.

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:00:47 GMT

If SAP made toasters...

The manual to run the toaster would be approximately 10,000 pages long.

The toaster would come with 2,500 switches which would all have to be set in an exact pattern and in a precise sequence in order to toast specific kinds of bread.

Each pattern would be established by SAP's experts as the "Best Practices" method of toasting that kind of bread.

It would take a team of basis and functional contractors about 1 year to configure the toaster in the best manner, and then another 6 months to test it.

In the mean time, your entire family would need to attend extensive training classes on how to use the new toaster.

In order to support end users and consultants, MIT would establish a list-serv for people to post questions and answers regarding toaster set-up and operation.

Of course, the online Help would randomly pop up in German.

But once it was running, you'd get the best toast in the world.

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:06:28 GMT

Monkey Programmers

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, ''I'll have that monkey please''.

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop, and took out a monkey.

He fit a collar and leash and handed it to the customer, saying, ''That'll be $5000''.

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, ''That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did he cost SO much?''

The shopkeeper answered,

''Ah, that monkey can program in 'C' very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money.''

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. ''That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does he do?''

''Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; he can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff,'' said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of his own. The price tag around his neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, ''That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does he do?''

The shopkeeper shrugged and said,

''Well, to tell you the truth, I haven't actually seen him do anything, but he says he's a SAP consultant.''

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:28:36 GMT

LOL the second one was amazing !!

Re: Software Jokes.....

Former Member — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 13:59:53 GMT

If SAP made toasters.......

You forget to say that you'd also have to buy a special plug and socket and, oh you house does run on 3-phase mains right? No, well you'll need to replace that then.